you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
