just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
