HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
