Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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