Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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