You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
