If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
