Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
