were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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