Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
