I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
