Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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