i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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