I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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