i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
