If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
