The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
