Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
