Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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