You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
