you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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