Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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