Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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