I just saw a hot homeless man
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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