ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
