I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
