And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
