omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
