pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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