the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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