last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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