I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
