If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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