yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
