I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
