So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
