"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
