i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
