meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
