All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
