Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
