Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
