After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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