laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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