i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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