Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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