you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
