in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
