ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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