a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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