i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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