So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
